So I’m continuing to pound the living tar out of Kangaroo Jack. As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t enough satire in the universe to compensate for the evil this film has cast over the Earth. I guess I’m just trying to do my part – however small.

Some of you may or may not be familiar with Jerry Bruckheimer, the target of today’s strip. He’s basically your typical big-shot movie producer, cramming his vision down the throats of an American movie-going public. Here’s a picture of the guy so we all have a point of reference:

Jerry Bruckheimer - Evil?Man, what an ugly mug. That’s the kind of face only a highly paid call girl could love.

To his credit, he’s been the money behind several of our culture’s largest film iconography. Top Gun and Flashdance come to mind. But to his detriment, he’s also made a string of lousy blow ’em up pictures like Con Air and Gone in 60 Seconds.

The idea for today’s strip came from an old high school friend who wrote me a prophetic e-mail in response to last Friday’s strip. This, mind you, was before Kangaroo Jack went on to do boffo box office over the weekend.

“Personally, I subscribe to the theory that the only reason this film [Kanagroo Jack] was made was for Jerry Bruckheimer to test his “midas touch” theory. You know, how it seems that a disproportionate amount of the crappy movies he makes end up with big grosses… So he does this: finds a crappy script, puts Jerry O’Connell in a starring role, sticks his name on it as producer and laughs at all the rubes who pay to see it. We’ll have to see how it does.”
< I kind of ignored his message at the time, but realized how incredibly profound it was after the weekend tally. “What did I tell ya?” he wrote the following Wednesday “Bruckheimer made some sort of Faustian bargain and it is only a matter of time before he is able to buy the world with his ill gotten gains. Then we’ll all be sorry.”

From there, the strip was basically standing inches from my face screaming at incredible volume. So thanks, Eric for the fodder!

In other new relating to the apocalypse, I received an e-mail from a “certain Carmike employee” (who wished to remain nameless) informing me that Kangaroo sold out at the theater he worked at not once… but twice.

This is seriously bumming me out.

On a brighter note, is anyone appreciating the awesome work going on at No Pants Tuesday and Jayhoo & Jawhoo lately? Both Zach and Mark are putting out some excellent art lately. If you’re not down with it, you’re missing out on some quality stuff. Zach’s color and shading make my strip look like it’s been fleshed out with a Lite Brite. Mark’s composition and visual story telling make me wish I wasn’t such a slave to my four panel rule. Great stuff. Check it out.

And lastly, it’s been very interesting to monitor the results of the poll we have going now. There’s been a pretty strong response since posting it on Wednesday. Almost 100 visitors have taken a nanosecond and made their selection.

I guess I wasn’t surprised that the majority of you want to help, but have no money (or, more likely don’t have a credit card to make a PayPal transaction possible). But I was kind of take aback to learn that in second place, you would want t-shirts. I figured stickers would come way before that, and here they are at the bottom of the list.

You’ve put me in a tough spot, people. A sticker would have been easy. Slap a logo on some adhesive paper, laminate it and off you go. But a t-shirt? That means I have to come up with a concept. And I don’t even know where to start.

I’m kinda wishing I didn’t include that “I have money, but refuse to donate” option in there. Or at least worded it differently. Oh well.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

↓ Transcript

Bad Boys, Armageddon, Coyote Ugly! I can take any turd of a script and spin it into box office gold.

...even a movie like Kangaroo Jack! Easily the worst film ever! And it's the number one movie in the country!!!


Soon, no one will be able to stop me.

A big screen adaptation of The Golden Girls? That sounds good.

Whoopi Goldberg as a stripper who solves mysteries? Brilliant!

A sci-fi epic starring Kato Kaelin and Lance Bass? Perfect!

Sir, Satan is on line two. He want to discuss the misuse of your contract.

Tell him I'm in the shower?