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Nov09

INDIANA JONES NEVER RIDES BITCH

November 9th, 2007 | by Tom
  • Comics
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars
(35 votes, average: 8.57 out of 10)
INDIANA JONES NEVER RIDES BITCH

Every time I think I’ve put a bow on an arc, I always think of different ways that I could stretch it into infinity.

Today’s comic was supposed to be the end of the Shia LaBeouf arc. But obviously the way I’ve set up the punchline in today’s comic, there has to be some kind of action taken against Shia next week, don’t you think?

I guess I’ve been hip-deep in this storyline so long, I don’t know if you guys are into it anymore? If you have a free minute, send me some feedback, won’t you?

So far this week, I think I’ve made a pretty good case against Shia – both in the comic and in the blog. I wanted to squeeze more examples into today’s comic, but there wasn’t enough room in the second panel to do that.

Regardless of the damming testimony I’ve come up with so far, I knew that photo from the set of the upcoming Indiana Jones movie was my secret weapon. First of all, that leather jacket isn’t working for me. It communicates only one thing – “Greaser.” I don’t need you screwing up my Indiana Jones movie with any shenanigans from Grease.

Second, Shia SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING THE MOTORCYCLE WITH INDIANA JONES RIDING BITCH! You want to ride a motorcycle, that’s fine. Here’s a Vespa. But if you’re hanging out with Indiana Jones – guess what? – HE’S DRIVING!

You want another reason to hate Shia? Check out this production photo from the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:

Shia’s stupud moustache

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT MOUSTACHE? KNOCK IT OFF!

Probably the most dispiriting aspect of this whole Shia debacle is that he appears to have become Steven Spielberg’s protege. And with Vanity Fair declaring him “the next Tom Hanks,” there are too many favorable associations floating around this kid. Did he make some kind of bargain with Lucifer? Because, if not, I think we should all strongly consider having Steven Spielberg committed to a mental institution.

That’s as much venom as I have for you today. Have a great weekend!

└ Tags: Bill Murray, Charlies Angels: Full Throttle, French, Harrison Ford, Hebrew, Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, motorcycle, riding bitch, Shia LaBeouf
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