Posts Tagged ‘health’
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We do our fare share of razzing Julie Roberts around here, so in an effort to appease Cami, today’s incentive sketch loving depicts her in Roberts most famous role – Pretty Woman.
Even if you don’t care about lending votes to the site, I insist that you click on this link to view the sketch. It’s seriously probably one of the best ones I’ve done in a long time. I’m very proud of it.
In any case, according to an interview she conducted with Newsweek, Julia Roberts will indeed put her career on hold to raise the twins she’s supposed to give birth to this December with cameraman husband Danny Moder. All she has left to promote is the infidelity drama Closer and the European heist flick Ocean’s 12 and that’s all she wrote. We won’t see Julia Roberts for a long time to come. Hopefully the next 18 years. That’s how long it is before they kick kids out of the house these days, right?
Personally, I find the whole “Julia Roberts Pregnant!” story a little too good to be true. First they tell us she’s having twins. NOW there are reports it’s a boy and a girl. Could it *be* any more perfect?! I’m sorry; its sounds a little too much like a Hollywood concoction to me.
Frankly, I’m surprised Roberts is pregnant at all. She doesn’t have the shape of a mother. She looks like the kind of girl that any added weight is going to unbalance her like a weeble. She looks to frail to carry a baby, let alone two.
But then again, I suppose she should have extra room in her body considering that giant, empty chamber where a heart should be.
I’m sorry if that sounds callous, but Roberts does not strike me as the motherly type. She’s too cold. Too bitchy. Too… pointy. She doesn’t even have the shape of a mother. I guarantee one flash of that impossibly white windshield she calls a smile is going to burn the back of those kids retinas… leave ’em blind. JUST YOU WAIT!
Now that I think about it, she probably isn’t pregnant at all. She just ties on a prosthesis belly for when she has to do interviews or walk about town. She probably invented the whole pregnancy thing so she could hole herself up on that ranch she has in New Mexico and do lines of coke of a laser disc copy of Flatliners.
Come time to “deliver” the babies in December, she’ll fly out to some farm house in central Nebraska and buy a couple of kids from a poor, confused young woman. She’ll steal the children away before handing the crying infants over to her entourage. Then she’ll wag her bony finger in the face of the sobbing woman, threatening her to “Keep her dumb, redneck whore mouth shut!”
After flying back to their ranch, she’ll set the kids up in the guest house and have a Mexican nanny look after them. Ever so often she’ll wheel them out for photo ops and the occasional publicity – y’know, so America doesn’t forget about her.
Then, when the kids are all grown up, one of them will write a scathing tell-all book and dish on all of Roberts
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Tom was totally prepared to spring of the line. He did stretches and everything. Drank a Gatorade, too!
I’m not entirely sure what headbands and tank tops have to do with watching movies, but the fact that Cami and I have only seen one of the four nominated films this year if a distinct reflection of our slack attitude this year.
Much has been made about Hollywood’s lackluster output in 2005 and I think by this point you would know that my stance is one of total agreement. You would assume in a year so rife with mediocrity, it would prompt one to search harder for the good stuff – the creamy nougat, as it were. Instead, like kryptonite, 2005’s abysmal line up drained my will to live.
But yesterday the Oscar nominations were announce and I feel reenvigorated! As has become our tradition, Cami and I make it a point to see all 5 films nominated in the Best Picture category. If nothing else than to be totally pompous after the fact when one of them walks away with the little gold man – "Oh, I knew they would win all along. That olther film wuz robbed!"
I was a bit surprised to see Good Night and Good Luck up there, but it’s a welcome change of pace. I haven’t seen Munich – and I know some people swear by it. But my question is, how could Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix be nominated in their respective acting categories and Walk the Line not be represented with a nomination? It seems as though it would be more deserving than Munich. But then again, I haven’t seen Munich. So maybe I’m totally talking out my ass. A situation I intend to remedey in the coming weeks!
This was a while back, but I read an interesting thought over at Hollywood Elsewhere in advance of the awards season. Another reader had written to the column pointing out that the field of (then) potental nominees appeared to be thinning out to what we essentially ended up with. Pointing out that the Oscars were originally created to celebrate the films of the major studios, has Hollywood painted itself into a corner with bottom-line thinking? In other words, has their reliance on blockbusters and sequels totally written them out of the awards ceremony they helped to create. Has quality been turned over to the independent filmmaker? In what way are the Oscars now different than, say… The Independent Film Awards?
It was an interesting thought – and I was kind of paraphrasing it – but is this a representation of either a more definative rift between art and commerce. Or does it represent the overall integration of "independent" movies into the American mainstream? Is the word "independent" being revised to mean something else? Used to be "independent" meant you sold off all your comic books and maxed out your credit cards to get your film made. Now it means that the "independent arm" of Warner Bros. or Sony has picked up your film, but the content is too obtuse for general audiences looking for popcorn entertainment. Still, they’ll finance your film essentially for the accolades.
Food for thought.
Switching gears.
Wanted to point out to you the little mailing list sign up form directly above this blog and directly below the comic. I encourage you to sign up for it. I’m going to be making some announcements soon and I like to keep the people on the mailing list informed early. It’s just a means for me to communicate more directly with you guys.
What’s some of the stuff I’m working on? Well, the Theater Hopper: Year One book, for starters. Plus, I might have some new t-shirt designs in the works. If so, you’d be tipped off to their sale early if you were a mailing list subscriber! Tease, tease, tease!
Another little something I want you to check out…
Remember last year when I designed a shirt for Threadless.com? Well, I have another design for sale over there that you should check out. Here’s a preview:
It’s called "Squirrels Are Nature’s Ninjas" and it’s on sale now. I didn’t come up with the title. Actually, someone else submitted it to OMG Clothing – also owned by the fine people at Threadless. Much like my previous design, the slogan was handed off to me and I went at it with a visual representation. I’m really happy with how this one turned out.
At any rate, I don’t get anything if the shirt sells except for the feeling of pride if it sells out an they later reprint it.
However, I *DO* get referral bonus points if I send you to the site and you buy something – anything! – in inventory. So, if you’re combing through the site and find another design you like, please follow this link before you make your purchse:
http://www.threadless.com/?streetteam=Tom%20Brazelton
That way, the referral points come back to me.
Many thanks.
Not much else to write about. Well, we’re having a little trouble in the THorum right now. We’re not sure what’s causing it. But I’ve gotten a few e-mails from people who are trying to create accounts and are getting errors. For now, the best advice I can give is to keep trying. If it doesn’t register you the first time, try again or even a third time. Eventually, it will go through. We’re working on resolving the problem soon. Thanks for your patience.
Here’s to everyone having a great Wednesday!
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