You’d think after announcing my revised once-a-week schedule, I would have taken better advantage of my time to produce a new comic for you first thing Monday morning. My apologies that it didn’t happen.

I think part of me is still wrestling with my decision. Well, maybe not wrestling. “Adapting” is probably a better word. I didn’t really know what to do with myself on Tuesday or Thursday night when I wasn’t staying up until 3:00 in the morning working on a comic. By the time the weekend rolled around, I felt like I was completely out of practice!

I will say this, however. The extra time allowed me the opportunity to think up a few different punchlines to this comic and the final result is MUCH better than what you would have gotten originally when I was under deadline and firing from the hip. I won’t say what the original idea was. Just trust me that this one is better.

Before going any further, I wanted to take a moment to thank EVERYONE for their comments last week here on the site, on Facebook and on Twitter as well. I didn’t receive a single negative comment and that is really a credit to you guys. I received a few messages where people expressed disappointment. But no message expressing outright disgust or anger.

Truthfully, I don’t think the majority of you are even capable of that. But the internet is a pretty big place and you know how it works with negative comments – one jerk’s thoughtless comments can wipe out a dozen understanding, supportive, thoughtful replies.

But like I said, there wasn’t ANYTHING negative. You guys totally understand where I’m at in my life right now and the needs I have to address. It was a load off my mind that you guys recognized the effort required to produce Theater Hopper three time a week and could weigh that appropriately against the real life responsibilities I need to focus on now.

Thank you.

Okay, so with that said, can we talk about Sex and the City 2 for a minute? I’ve been dying to talk about it.

Now, I know I will probably catch a little grief for how I chose to portray the four women from the movie in today’s comic. They came out looking a little grotesque, but that’s because I drew them from memory.

I will admit that it was a conscious decision, though. Because these actresses – and more specifically, their characters – have become gross caricatures of spoiled American 40-SOMETHINGS that need to be stopped.

When the trailer for this movie came out, did it not look like the most insulting piece of excrement you ever saw?

And before I go too deep down the rabbit hole, let me first confess that I’m not a SATC hater. My wife watched the show religiously and watched several of the episodes right along with her. It wasn’t always my cup of tea, but I frequently found it entertaining and kept up with the individual story lines. I knew what was happening in these characters lives.

So, when the first movie came out, we went. I thought it was so broad and laughably over the top (Carrie dropping her jewel-encrusted and monogrammed cell phone in slow motion when Mr. Big gets cold feet at their wedding, Charlotte literally crapping herself in Mexico), I didn’t think anyone would be dumb enough to green-light a sequel.

Yet, here we are, two years later and this time the ladies have spirited away to Abu Dhabi so they can get away from their husbands and children so they can pretend to be the free-wheeling party girls they were OVER A DECADE AGO.

Now, when the original series ended in 2004, I will admit that it betrayed the core concept of the series that women act like men and avoid emotional detachment in their relationships. But the alternative is way, WAY worse. Because no one wants to see a women in her mid-40’s trotting around with a drink in their hands trying to pick up hot guys.

Sidebar: KIM CATTRALL IS 54 YEARS-OLD! Wanna know how old Rue McClanahan – who played the sex-crazy Blanche Devereaux – was when The Golden Girls premiered in 1985? SHE WAS 51 YEARS-OLD!!!

To me, Sex in the City 2 represents the most worthless, self-centered attitudes about Americans. The me-first mentality that permeates so much of our culture. This would be okay if the film didn’t feel it was important that you actually ROOT FOR the lead characters. I like to imagine a world where the producers of Sex in the City 2 saw fit to laugh at and ridicule these incredibly shallow, materialistic dum-dums for two hours rather than try to pull the wool over the audiences eye’s with faux-glamor and faux-romance.

Am I being harsh on the film? Undoubtedly. Have I seen the film? Not at all. Is this fair? Not in the slightest. Do I care? Absolutely not. And judging by the 15% “fresh” rating the film received from Rotten Tomatoes, I’m not far off-base with my criticisms.

People can smell a stinker a mile away. Sex in the City 2 had “shameless money grab” written all over it from the moment it was announced. If you pay money to see this film, you will get everything you deserve from it.

Hmm… That took a decided sour turn, didn’t it? I hate to leave you on that note. Let’s try a little mental exercise. I want you to think of a gorilla in a wearing party hat and swim trunks riding a unicorn in a field of cotton candy. Kind of hard NOT to think about that now, isn’t it?

Alright! There you go! Thanks for waiting for today’s update. Be sure to stay on top of things buy subscribing to Theater Hopper’s Facebook and Twitter accounts.

Oh, and it probably wouldn’t hurt to subscribe to Theater Hopper’s RSS feed, while you’re at it!

Do you have any thoughts about Sex and the City 2? What about Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (which got a cursory mention in today’s comic)? If so, leave your comments below! We have the week to hash things out now, so fire away!

↓ Transcript
It's kind of interesting that the two big releases this weekend both take place in the Middle East.

There's a reason for that, actually...

GIVE US THE DAGGER! We will release The Sands of Time, reverse time and drink cosmopolitans for eternity!