I’ve you’ve spent any time on the internet recently, you might have picked up on this story about schlock-meister Uwe Boll – the director of such fine films as Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne and (most recently) In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. If you’re not familiar with the name, he’s generally regarded as one of the worst living directors and is a constant target for movie crtics.

In an interview with Fearnet.com, Boll was asked about the online petition asking him to stop making movies. He laughed it and said if the petition got up to a million, he’d stop.

When the interview was posted on April 4, the petition had 18,000 signatures. As the story of Boll’s challenge spreads, it has since climbed to over 175,000 signatures.

I personally haven’t signed the petition. I don’t see the point. I may not like Boll’s films, but I don’t think I have the right to tell him to stop making them. Besides, he provides more entertainment value to me the longer he stays visible to the public. Not with his movies, but with his outrageous attitude. The guy will literally say anything and doesn’t care what you think. I’ve done two comics about him so far. I think you can see how much I appreciate the comedic value he brings to the table.

That said, it makes it hard to defend Boll when he releases videos like this one – his rebuttal to the online petition – where he basically says that Michael Bay and Eli Roth are hacks who churn out the same movie over and over, that he is a genius and that it is the audience’s fault for not recognizing his talent.

It’s very possible that he’s kidding and trying to have a little fun with it. What else can you do when over 175,000 people say that you suck? Then again, he’s German. So if he’s kidding, it’s kind of hard to tell.

I don’t really see the purpose of dragging Michael Bay or Eli Roth into the situation. That just seems petty. Granted, those guys have their critics, but neither of them are going around challenging them to boxing matches.

I mean, is anyone else catching a professional wrestling vibe off this guy, or is it just me? None of this would be circling the movie news sites if Boll wasn’t out there promoting his latest soul-crusher Postal.

All the same, it’s kind of fun to play the game with him a little bit. When I was thinking about the petition, I wondered how many people are currently using the internet. I looked it up and statistics are anywhere between 1.3 to 1.8 billion world-wide. That’s a fun number to play with. Basically, only one thousandth of the global internet community needs to sign this thing to put Boll away.

Do I really think he’ll walk away from movies forever if one million people sign the petition. No, of course not. But at this point, finding out if he’s good to his word is the only thing keeping me interested. If he flakes, it’ll just be another tally in the “Uwe Boll Is A Jerk” column.

It’s very possible this petition could cross that one million mark. Did you read that story about how the Mets allowed their fans to vote for the song the wanted played at the top of the 8th inning through their web site? They left a field open for “Suggest your own song here” and the internet jumped on it, suggesting Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” as their song of choice. I’m sure you can guess what happened next.


The Internet: We are The Lizard King. We can do anything.

That’s it for me, folks. Have a great weekend and I’ll talk to you again on Monday!

↓ Transcript
Director Uwe Boll. In a recent interview, you responded to news that there is an online petition asking you to stop making movies by stating you would quit when the effort collection one million signatures.

Are you at all worried that your critics might meet your challenge?

Not in the least!

I mean, it's the INTERNET! How many people could there possibly be on the internet!

Roughly 1.5 billion.