What is this strange disease that has taken grip on our protagonist? It's OSCAR FEVER and it is intensifying! If you want to see how Tom makes it through the other side, you'll need to be here on Friday!

Every year I get sucked into the same trap. At some point in February, they roll out the Oscar nominations and every year I roll my eyes because they didn't nominate actor "x" or picture "y". But then, as the ceremony date rolls near, I get all giddy like a crack-addled monkey making my predictions and spouting off my theories on who should win and why.

I think a lot of it has to do with certain media outlets that craft their coverage so cannily, I cannot help but to fall beneath their sway. Entertainment Weekly is a prime example of this. They handicap the odds of the big nominees. Reading that stuff makes you feel like you actually understand the backwards cluster of Hollywood politics - like you're a friggin' "insider", or something.

In the end, it's all just fodder for small talk - a way to make you appear more in the loop than others. At least until next year.

Talking about my excitement for the Oscars seems especially moot at this point in history. I'm sure if you watch the news or, y'know... occasionally pick up a newspaper, you're well aware of the state of the world right now. Talking about some stupid award being given to some overpaid actor may seem downright shallow and close-minded by comparison.

But let me put this in perspective for you.

I watch the national news every day and every day I read a newspaper. At night, I flip between the different cable news outlets. I like to think myself as a member of the world community and choose not to shut myself off from it. True, part of my daily information consumption is entertainment "news", but I readily digest the stuff that matters. I would suggest everyone do the same.

But that being said, I'm not going to weigh down the site with speculation about the impending war - what it means, what it will do to our relationships with other countries or how it has emasculated the U.N. to the point of ineffectiveness.

It's my understanding that this site was created as a diversion from such things. I want to entertain you, so why bog you down with these things that don't relate?

It's just... well, war is pretty serious stuff. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring it. But if you're coming here to add a little levity to your day -- even for a few minutes -- then I wanted you to know I'm committed to providing that.

For all those who serve or knows someone who does, may this conflict be over quickly and with a minimal amount of casualties -- on both sides.

↓ Transcript
What's up with tom giving the dog Best Cinematography? That award totally belongs to Conrad Hall. Is he drunk, or something?

That's what I thought at first, but I'm concerned something else is going on. His behavior is too... erratic.

In what way?

Well, he's walking around the house with a mop and talking to it like it's Whoopi Goldberg for starters!

Don't look now, Whoopi. But Rene Zellweger and John C. Reily are talking smak about you over by the little girls room.