For those readers who have marched in here from the forums of PVP or Real Life, torches and pitchforks at the ready, take a deep breath and have a seat. I’m talking to you.

Apparently, Monday’s blog caused quite a hullabaloo when a kind soul from Rancho Cordova, CA (“The town they named after a salad dressing!”) decided to tip everyone off to my comments about Scott Kurtz and Greg Dean “stealing” my ideas regarding two strips about Harry Knowles and Ferris Bueler’s Day Off. Appropriate poo-slinging followed.

I suppose I could go into the details of this fracas – about the multitude of incorrectly spelled and grammatically mind-bending flames hurled my way. But this is all old news to anyone who has been trolling about the community for any amount of time. Readers who have their favorites vigorously defend their sanctuaries from outsiders.

Instead, I’m gonna cut to the skinny. Monday’s comments were in NO WAY meant to be taken seriously. It was just a quirky coincidence I thought I would point out and have a little fun with. Doesn’t anyone else think that this triptych of web comics discussing such varied topics to be of interest? I do! In fact, I found it amazing! Especially considering neither Scott nor Greg have probably heard of my measly operation! Apparently, some people couldn’t see the irony that was clubbing them over the heads.

Perhaps it was my fault for not making my sarcasm a little more overt. After all, even my good friend Zach from No Pants Tuesday sent me an e-mail of caution (well intended, but undoubtedly due to exhaustion as we’ve seen no new strip for over a week – worried about you, pal!).

But for those of you who felt it necessary to make sweeping, negative generalizations against my talent, intelligence or mother, I’ve gotta recommend you take your B.S. detector in for some much needed maintenance. Otherwise, this world is going to eat you alive. It’s truly amazing how upset some people became. If people get this angry about web comics, I have to presume most of them went into an epileptic fit after that whole Enron thing. If their venom isn’t proportional, then their priorities are out of whack.

To the credit to many in the community, I did have my share of defenders in the forums. Several people came to my defense clearly pointing out that Monday’s comments were a joke and lobbing their own flames back in retaliation. Thank goodness for those who are switched on.

In summary, I didn’t mean offend anyone. If my comments upset you, I apologize. I’m a big fan of both PVP and Real Life. I think they are both sharply written and sublimely well put together strips. In fact, that’s where most of the irony stemmed from when I compared my strip to theirs – ’cause obviously I don’t have the kind of talent several years in the game have afforded those two.

If I’ve learned anything about the matter, it’s that next time I’ll be sure to make all my sarcastic comments IN BIG BOLD LETTERS as not to confuse anyone. Still, I’ve gotta admit, at least the second principle of my theory rang true – I scored 4 times as many unique hits to the site on Tuesday compared to an average day. Thanks.

↓ Transcript
The I bit off your face just like Silence of the Lambs!

Man, that's some nightmare. Here, eat this sandwich I made for you.

Thanks. What is it?

Veal patty. Open faced.