I do like the boobies!
Archive for July, 2003
I'm sure to most of you, today's comic is an ugly swipe at the American Pie movies. But I can attest that everything said in the 3rd panel rings very true to my ears. This is my honest-to-God interpretation of these movies, and I'm sticking by it.
I won't deny that the original American Pie had something going for it. The amount of teenage sex they threw up onto the screen wasn't anything audiences had seen since the hey-days of Porky's.
But I still can't hide my resentment.
I'm not a prude and I'm not uptight, but watching these movies makes me feel like I missed something in high school. And, high school being a touchy subject for me, I don't like being asked to drudge up those memories for the sake of "entertainment".
For me, and like a lot of you, high school was a daily battle and a boring chore all rolled into one. I had my share of friends and many varied interests. I wasn't a shut in, picked on or angry at anyone.
But after four years, I was sick of navigating the sea of morons that surrounded me and found the experience without challenge, and worse, a total waste of time.
I don't miss any of the people I went to high school with. The ones I still want to see, I make a point to see on a regular basis. The rest of them can go back to their lousy waitress jobs at Applebee's. You won't see me at any reunion.
I suppose in it's own way, it's sad that my high school experience still takes up this kind of real estate in my brain. At 25, I should probably be past it. But, well... here we are.
To that end, the makers of American Pie can rightly jump off the nearst cliff. I have no interest in seeing the third installment - American Wedding - when it comes out on Friday. I think it's a cheap grab at more money by forcing these "BIG LIFE EVENTS" into the plot. I have more to say about it, but I'm saving it for Friday. I have another American Pie diss on deck.
Never the less, I'm sure Cami will drag me to see it. She'll claim it's curiosity, but why lie? Her high school experience was much more enlightened and satisfying than mine.
I can't complain too much about high school. After all, it is where I met Cami. But so much of high school was just mental debris. I wish I could brush away the bad stuff and focus on the good, but I'm much more effective at that in the present.
Some parts of your past should remain ignored.
Related Comics ¬
|Aug 8, 12||GUEST STRIP – WILSON PARKER|
|Jul 29, 05||THE SWIRLIES ARE ANOTHER TERRIFYING MATTER ALTOGETHER|
The webcam doesn't lie, kids. I'm back from Vegas. And as they say, "It's nice to leave, but it's good to come home."
This was my first outing to Sin City and I think I'm still digesting it. Nothing can really prepare you for the 24 hour assault on your senses. It's like every receptor in your head is fully engaged in some reactive, spastic twitch.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...
Things didn't really get off on the right foot when we tried to leave Des Moines. Our plane was 7 hours delayed. No, that is not a misprint.
We booked a flight with Allegiant Air because they were the only airline with a direct flight to Vegas. We didn't know when we arrived at Des Moines "International" Airport at 1:30 that we had actually booked time in Hell's waiting room.
Why the plane was so late was never clearly explained to us. First they said it was mechanical. Then they said it was weather. We found out later that they did close the Vegas airport for an hour due to high winds and (snicker!) rain, but that doesn't add up for the monstrous delay we experience.
Still, you gotta keep these things in perspective. If you think languishing in an airport lounge eating warmed over pizza and drinking a $7.00 beer is bad, just think about those poor souls stuck in the plane coming BACK to Des Moines. No doubt they were forced to stay on the plane. And then, to add insult to injury, they end up in DES MOINES!!!
Our flight was supposed to leave at 2:00, but we didn't get off of the ground until 8:30. Factor a 2 and a half hour flight, waiting an hour for our luggage, securing the rental car and driving to the hotel - our first night in Vegas was pretty much screwed. All that was left over was to climb into bed and nurse a migrain that had been developing over the last 12 hours.
All that aside, Vegas was a very enriching experience. We stayed at Treasure Island - a great hotel once widely known for it's prevalent pirate theme. However, they've recently abandoned the skull-n-crossbones routine for something a little more upscale. I guess that's okay. But the kid in me longs for swashbucklin' action!
Our first day we spent "rollin'" up and down the strip - hitting every major casino within eyesight. It's alarming how large these buildings are. Can someone please explain to me why I have to walk 3 blocks just to make it to the entrance of Caeser's Palace?
Besides drinking, gambling, and shopping, we engaged in a lot of the touristy things. We rode the Big Shot atop The Stratosphere (an experience I hated, but Cami loved) and soaked up the view from the 1/2 scale Eiffel Tower at the Paris Casino - which offered a great view of the water show at The Bellagio.
A big highlight for me was seeing Hoover Dam. I don't know why, but I'm always a sucker for engineering marvels of the 1930's.
I didn't have a chance to hit up any Vegas clubs - strip, dance, or otherwise. We did so much walking, I was bone tired by the end of the day. I did get some time by the pool, which was nice.
In the gambling department, I suck eggs. I lost every dollar it put into every slot machine. The gambling gods refuse to even humor me with the slightest notion of winning.
Some people gamble and they're up, they're down - sometimes they break even, sometimes they lose it all. But at least there is give and take. Not me. Insert a dollar - SUCCCCCKKKKKKKK! - I never see it again. It's as if I just threw it into a brightly lit hole.
Cami, on the other hand, at least had a little something going. She was $30 up at one point, then added another $20 to her tally. That would have been enough for me to feel like a winning right there.
Of course, maybe the reason I don't win big is because I don't bet big. Whenever I go to a casino, I always make a bee line for the 5 cent machines or the $2 minimum bet blackjack tables. They should just label them "wuss bets" and be done with it.
There's still a bunch of stuff about Vegas I didn't get to mention, but I figure I've bored you long enough. If you want more details, hit me up in the forums.
Just know that I had an awesome time and plan on going back sometime soon!
Before I wrap things up, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who submitted guest strips while I was away. You guys got to see 4 while I was out, but that wasn't the extent of the submissions. I'm sitting on 3 more that I'll probably display on the bonus materials page - so look for those in the near future.
Another thing to look for in the near future is a new strip from me on Wednesday! See you then!
What a life. I spent Saturday floating down the lazy Apple River in Wisconsin. It was very cool. I was having visions of Apocalyse Now. With nine inner tubes lashed together, eight of us and a cooler drifted down the river, forced to accept what was to come. There was excitement at the beginning, when one of our tubes sank slowly into the shallows. We had to stop and reconfigure our layout, demoting that particular tube to cooler duty. Even a slow river is hard to stand up in, especially when the rocks below are round and slippery. We discovered this when some of the twine broke and split us into two groups. One group drifted near the shore while the group I was in moved on down the river until we were finally able to stop ourselves.
As we drifted in and out of different parties, I half expected Robert Duvall to come out to the water and demand that we give his surf board back.
It was a fun experience that I wouldn’t mind repeating.
Last night, I watched Road to Perdition with my sweetie. You can’t beat a good gangster film. It was very good, if not somewhat predictable.
I’m looking forward to this weekend a lot. I’ll tell you why on Monday.
I am very disappointed that I did not get to see Following. I rented it, but ran out of time. I guess I’ll rent it again next week.
I did get to see two other movies though.
Neighbors: This John Belushi / Dan Aykroyd flick is pretty funny at times. Over all, it doesn’t make a ton of sense, but it’s fun to see these guys together again. It seems that this was Belushi’s last film.
Little Nicky: I had not seen this before, having heard many different opinions like “I love it blah blah” or I hate it blah blah.” I finally got around to seeing for myself what this movie really was. I like it quite a bit. It is definitely not Sandler’s best film, but it’s not Anger Management either. Though VERY strange at times, I would definitely watch this again.
Sit up straight, kids. Cuz I've got big news.
Mitch Clem is in the house. Tanned, rested and ready to rock - NOTHING NICE TO SAY IS BACK!!!
It looks like Mitch will be updating whenever he damn well feels like it, which I think is a smart move. But just to see that guy back in the game puts a big smile across my face.
Visit his site now and show him the love.
Despite what the comic may suggest, I'm actually a big fan of the Spy Kids franchise. The latest offering (in theaters this Friday!) has me very excited. In case you didn't know - it's in 3-D.
I wish more films had gimmick's like this. Sometimes I lament that I wasn't born in the B-Movie era of the early 50's. I would have loved to have been there in those specially themed movie houses, decorated like Aztec temples or and Amazon jungle to watch a Saturday afternoon serial with horrid production values. The movie theater experience these days is like lambs to the slaughter.
Look at me. Talkin' about the "old days" like I was there, or something.
"Why, in my day, you could buy a loaf of bread, a pint of milk, a penny whistle and still have enough left over to see an Errol Flynn movie before catching the trolly back home!"
I'll be "out of the office" the rest of this week. I'm leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday and won't be back until next Monday. I plan on having a kick ass time with my parents and Cami. We're staying at Treasure Island, which has a pirate theme. So even if I lose all my money gambling, I still have pirates!
For those of worried about getting your regular TH fix this Friday and next Monday need not worry. I put out the call for guest strips and got some great stuff in return.
In fact, you guys - the fans - were SO enthusiastic, I received several guest strips from which to choose! How do I plan on solving the problem? By posting all throughout my vacation!
So that means, in addition to getting a comic on Friday and Monday, you can expect comics on Saturday and Sunday, too! Aren't I nice?!
WHO are the artist penning these modern marvels of publishing history? You'll just have to check in to find out! I'll also be posting my blogs ahead of time in conjunction with the guest strips, so you have that to look forward to as well.
I may have a few other issues to tackle before the day is out, but I think this is good for now. Maybe in the meantime, you can show me some vote love over at TWC for taking such good care of you!
I just wanted to tip everyone off to the new happenings on the Bonus Materials page.
And if you have an extra minute, scroll to the bottom of the page for a couple of Guest Strips I've posted. One of them was for Zach over at No Pants Tuesday, but he never posted the damn thing. So now I'm beating him to the punch.
The other was for Absath< at Ctrl+Alt+Del - a recent submission for his guest week opportunity.
I had a blast making both and think they might even be funnier than what I do normally around here!
A medicine cabinet. In the dining room. Why? Were the previous owners of my house insane?
When my wife and I took possession of the house we thought “Oh, they left that ugly mirror.” Well, as it turns out, the ugly mirror is a freaking medicine cabinet.
This weekend was very, very long. I am due to pick up my wife from the airport tonight. Hopefully she did not stray from the beaten path and become ambushed by backwoods pot farmers.
(Note to Kentuckians: I have been to your state several times. It is very nice. I am not trying to make fun of it. Please give my wife back.)
I filled the loneliness of the weekend with movies. As promised, I will quickly recount the list.
Picnic at Hanging Rock: Overall, I have enjoyed the Peter Weir films I have seen. Gallipoli is a favorite and one of the few things that can make me burst into tears. They all have one thing in common, however. They move very slooowwwly. Though it captured the essence of a 1900 Australian school for girls very well, the story lacked punch. Since it is based on a true story, all the things you want to occur to make it a nice little movie do not happen, because life doesn’t work like it does in the movies.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: I loved the book. I wish I could say the same for the movie. Watching this movie was like listening to Vogon poetry. I had to watch it in about four sittings, because this BBC produced mini-series was quite boring. The animations are good and script is obviously well written, as it draws directly from the text, but the rest is terrible. I can get past the Red Dwarf budget, but the camera shots are wholly uninteresting. The acting is forced and sometimes seems like the actors do not know their lines. I think I could have read the second book in the time it took to sleep through this one, and I know I would have been better off.
Heart of Darkness: This made for cable movie draws from the same source as Apocalypse Now. Set in Africa, ship Captain Marlow is hired to restore the link to a remote ivory trading post and find out what the deal is with the leader of the outpost, Mr. Kurtz. Tim Roth is great as Marlow and John Malkovich does well as Kurtz. The whole movie is somewhat spoiled by the fact that I’ve seen Apocalypse Now and therefore was not shocked or surprised by any of the plot points. It is worth watching though.
Roman Polanski’s Pirates: This is a well done film which has a spirit that mostly makes up for the lack of story. Walter Matthau is great as the pirate.
The Celebration (Festen) : What starts out as an odd look at a fairly un-likeable family gathering for a reunion degenerates into a deeper look at the family’s extraordinary dysfunctions. The movie is a bit boring at first but turns into a car accident from which you can not look away. Don’t watch this one with your family.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl: Very good. Fun, exciting. The special effects are very well done. It doesn’t have the “HEY WE ARE GOING TO DO SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS NOW, LOOK!” that some other films have. Johnny Depp is awesome. I wish I would have stayed in the theater after the credits, because there is an additional scene. This movie stands with Finding Nemo as the best movies I’ve seen this year.
That’s all for now. Video Warehouse is calling to my movie loving soul, so I’ll probably pick up more films soon.
Related Posts ¬
|Aug 21, 2003||PULSION|
Maybe I'm being a little cruel to Angelina Joile with today's strip, but frankly, anyone who would make not one - but TWO Tomb Raider movies, deserves what she gets.
Oh, and are the two Penny Arcade references shameless attempts to get Tycho and Gabe to pay attention to me? Yes. Oh yes.
I think there is a lot of promise with Joile. She's probably one of the few Supporting Actress Oscar Winners that hasn't been completely crippled by her win. Usually, you don't hear from those people ever again. Mira Sorvino, anyone?
But truthfully, I remain unimpressed by what is/was the three ring circus surrounding Joile's life. The whole Billy Bob Thorton fling that didn't wash. The estrangement from her father, actor Jon Voight. The facination with knives or kinky sex. Even her work for the United Nations or her adoption of an orphaned Cambodian boy aren't capturing my imagination.
Funny. For as much as I profess to be annoyed by Jolie, I sure seem to know a lot about her... Meh.
I held firm to my promise and did NOT see Bad Boys II this weekend - something I am rather proud of.
Instead, Cami and were feeling in a documentary type mood and rented Jerry Seinfield's Comedian and The Real Cancun.
The Real Cancun was everything you would expect: Totally facesless college students getting drunk and making out for two hours. Occassional boobie shot. Thanks guys.
I don't know if any of you have seen it, but the movie was a huge turn off to me. Those twins from New Mexico? Did anyone else think they looked like lizards? Maybe it's just me.
Comedian, on the other hand, was much BETTER than I expected it. I enjoyed how it didn't always show Seinfield's best side. It was also interesting how it mirrored Seinfield's story (starting over from being the biggest thing in comedy) against the up-and-comer (TRYING to be the next biggest thing in comedy).
I don't own a lot of documentaries, but I was impressed by Comedian's cool style. I liked it a lot.
That out of the way, I want to announce that I will be out of town starting this Thursday and won't be back until next Monday. I'm heading out to Las Vegas.
How this will affect the strip, I don't know. Part of me thinks I can work ahead and have Friday's strip post while I'm out of town (I can just post Monday's comic late).
But on the other hand, I'm thinking that this is a vacation and that I deserve a vacation from ALL responsabilities. Maybe guest strips are in order?
Tell you what. If I get two REALLY good guest strips (from people who haven't submitted before), we'll see what happens.
Consider the idea tossed out into the universe. E-mail me if you're interested.