Well, here we are. 2003. Everyone make it through okay? While I have no tales of New Year’s Eve debauchery to share, I am glad to see another year. Here’s to you and yours.
I have to apologize for the delay on the strip. I know I said late morning/early afternoon, but it turned into early evening. But at least I got it to ya on a Wednesday!
As you can see, I’m continuing the “Why I Hate Wynnsong” theme this week. The above event is based on truth, but exaggerated greatly on the end. I know I’m dipping into Seinfied territory with today’s bit of satire, but I am extremely annoyed with the concessions people who repeatedly try to push on you these stupid combo meals. The amount of popcorn they give you could feed a family of four. Why do I need a refill?
“And have you ever noticed how difficult it is to open a bag of airline peanuts?”
By the way, has anyone else noticed the extra care I’ve taken when coloring panes of glass? It’s like, my new thing, or whatever.
No real news today, so I guess I’ll remind you to vote in our poll. It will only take a second and it helps me to know which way to turn the rudder when plotting the future course of this site. The current poll is all about Top Web Comics and it seems to have generated some interest. It’s already racked up a quarter of the votes our last poll took a week to pull together.
Also be sure to check out the “Our Media” section on the right. I was looking for a little extra content to fill the space and figured since this site serves double-duty as a funny pictures depot and a rant spot, I would fill everyone in on the pop culture inspiring me at the moment. As you can see, Jared jumped on the bandwagon as well.
Hmm… must think of clever ending. Hey! Look over there!
:: runs away ::
So this is the conclusion of Why I Hate Wynnsong week. Obviously I dipped a little too deeply into the well of hyper-extended realism with the last two comics, but they’re fairly true to life. I hope you all walked away with at least a smile from this episode. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting to hear from a Wynnsong representative for tarnishing their mediocre name. No luck.
I’m not feeling very chatty today because I just attempted to install the Afterburner for my Game Boy Advance and am afraid I screwed it up. The colors are all washed out and I’m stressing about it. I’ve been reading the Afterburner forums trying to isolate the problem, and I think it’s an easy fix, but my Game Boy is in the kitchen and I don’t want to wake up my dog.
Plus, considering I just spent a gut-wrenching two hours installing the thing – petrified I would ruin a fairly nice piece of electronic equipment – I don’t know if I up for round two just yet. Nevermind I burnt the hell out of my finger tips with the soldering iron.
Anyway, that about caps it off for me tonight. There are no big releases this weekend, so I’ll probably stick close to home. Cami wants to see Two Weeks Notice, but I’m in such a pissy mood right now, just the thought of Sandara Bullock up on screen makes me want to break a two by four over my knee.
Ah, well. Hope everyone else has a better weekend than mine is shaping up to be. I might be back later, but don’t count on it.
Oh, and if you haven’t participated in the poll above, be a dear and give me some feedback! Thanks!
I took a second glance at the blog post I made this morning and decided that it was a really sucky way to cap off the week. I wanted to come back and let everyone know things are all better at Camp Brazelton.
After thumbing through the forums at Triton Labs, the solution became immediately clear. When installing the Afterburner, there are four protective plastic strips that prevent contamination to the components before installation. While assembling the mod, I only removed three and that’s why the colors looked all assy.
I would have had time to make the repair last night, but I didn’t want to wake up our beagle puppy Truman. How ironic that the little bastard woke me up at 6 o’clock this morning – a full hour before I regularly get up. I decided to take the extra time to make the repairs to my Game Boy and everything turned out fine. Yay!
I have to say, in retrospect the installation was fairly uncomplicated. But I think when you crack open the shell of this rather expensive piece of equipment, you’re nerves get a little jittery and you don’t follow directions as well as you should. Just goes to show I would make a horrible bomb squad technician…
Something else I wanted to cover in this blog is another Wynnsong story. I figured it was the least I could do since I gave everyone the shaft this morning. I wanted to use it as a plot for one of today’s strip, but it had to deal with concession workers in a different aspect, and I was looking to follow the thread of continuity a little further down the line. Hence, the “lunging through the projectionist booth window” gag we get today.
Anyway, the story. And I swear on the grave of Jack Lemmon it’s the truth.
I went to see Gangs of New York about a week ago. I was having a particularly crappy day and wasn’t much in the mood for any crap. I had hoped going to a movie would take my mind off things. No such luck.
We get to the theater and there is only one guy selling tickets. It’s a Monday night, but it’s understandable, but it’s also right before Christmas when a lot of people have time off. Bad management strikes again.
After purchasing tickets and going inside, there are about 16 people working behind the concession counters and there is NO ONE in line. In fact, there are kids standing behind the counter while the line for tickets is trailing outside. You can’t pull a couple of kids out from behind the candy counter to help thin out the ticket line? Morons!
Realizing that Gangs of New York is like, 12 hours long, I decided to get some popcorn and a soda (BUT NOT A COMBO!) I hadn’t eaten yet and I didn’t want hunger getting in the way of my grasping the movie in all it’s Scorsese glory.
I ask the kid behind the counter, “Can I have a large popcorn and a medium Coke?”
To which he replies, “Sure you can. It’s a free country.”
To which I wanted to reply “ARE YOU GOING TO GET ME MY DAMN COKE, OR NOT?!” But Miss Manners wouldn’t approve.
The kid then starts scooping up the corn and looks over his shoulder with a cock-sure grin and asks “Do you want oil on your popcorn?” And his tone inferred that this was not his cute name for butter, but meant to be taken sarcastically.
“Nooooo… I don’t want OIL on my popcorn,” I scoffed.
Once he was finished putting everything together he rang up the total and I paid with a twenty. “Ooo! Big spender!” he cooed.
So close I was to gripping his skull and slamming it into the register.
I get my change back and he says to me “Enjoy your movie, people!”
I WAS THE ONLY ONE AT THE COUNTER! THERE WERE NO OTHER “PEOPLE”
I met up with Cami who was looking at preview posters and I was nearly shaking with anger. “I think they must be giving these kids lessons on how to be a jackass, or something,” I muttered. We went to watch our film.
Now look, before this erupts into some kind of class warfare thing or whatever, know that I used to work for a movie theater just like this kid. So I KNOW what’s it’s like to be bombarded by idiots all day long. But I was nothing but cool to this kid and he’s firing back with both barrels.
I may have never liked any of the people I served when, but I never went out of my way to make anyone feel like crap. I swear to God if I ever see that kid again, I’m gonna punch him in the back of the head.
Oh, look. Now I’m all angry again! Dammit!
Greetings to all of you who found your way back here Monday morning. I don’t feel like I say it often enough, but I’m very happy to have the following that I have and appreciate that you take time out of your day to see what I’m up to.
I know the art is a little on the light side for today’s strip, but I figured since I went to some effort trying to figure out how to draw myself lunging through a projectionist booth window WHILE strangling a guy, I deserved a break.
Truth be told, Jared is not nearly as bad at Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon as I depict him in today’s strip. Quite the contrary, he is very good. We’ve played several rounds during boring car trips or just shooting the breeze over a beer or two.
Often we have to set some ground rules when playing Six Degrees. There are certain films in the Bacon body of work that have to be excluded due to the large ensemble casts of top tier celebrities.
For example, A Few Good Men is out because of it’s ties to Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, Kiefer Sutherland, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Demi Moore. If you were looking for a back door to Kevin Bacon, character actors J.T. Walsh and Kevin Pollak come in handy. Not only are they in this movie, but probably over another hundred films between them.
Although the cast list is less extensive, Apollo 13 is out for similar reasons as well as JFK. Actually, the cast of JFK is full of so many big names, you only need to study that one film for the key to winning any round of Six Degrees in one degree or less.
Lately, we’ve discovered that Sleepers is a handy gateway to many Six Degree wins. It features actors who have ties to old Hollywood as well as the next generation of up and coming actors. Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman and Bruno Kirby are part of the old guard while Billy Crudup, Ron Eldard, Minnie Driver, Jason Patric, Brad Pitt and Brad Renfro round out the new. Not many people know about the movie and playing that card shows you know a little more about cinema than you might let on.
If you want to know how seriously Jared and I take Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon in terms of a momentary distraction, be forewarned that Jared once took the time to illustrate a complicated diagram featuring several of the movies and actors Kevin Bacon has associated with. To my knowledge, he did it without the help of the Internet Movie Data Base. The kid’s got scary powers, I tell ya’.
On the personal front, I spent most of this weekend installing track lighting, so my arms and back are killing me. I did, however, get the opportunity to watch Back to the Future: Part III. I dunno, every time I watch any of those movies, my mind drifts and I wonder whatever happened to the actor who played Biff and all his relatives. I always thought he was really good. Spot on comedic and dramatic acting. You never see him in anything these days.
Thomas F. Wilson we hardly knew ye!
Back on the clock again. Hope everyone is well.
Drawing today’s strip was weird. I was thrown all off my schedule. My wife was having this party Tuesday night at our house. And since Tuesday night is usually when I draw Wednesday’s strip, I need to put it together a day earlier.
It’s got me all messed up. I feel like this week is moving in reverse.
If there has every been a weird point of pride to being an Iowan, knowing someone like Ashton Kutcher can make it in Hollywood makes me feel a little better about being from The Hawkeye State.
I mean, you can kind of tell by looking at him that this is the kind of guy who probably coasted through high school on his looks and maybe isn’t all that bright. Really not too different from the character he plays on That 70’s Show. I mean, he dropped out of college to be an actor and was sweeping Cherrio’s dust at the General Mills plant in Cedar Rapids before being discovered. And this to me makes it all the more marvelous.
Keep in mind that Elijah Wood is also from Iowa. In fact, I think he came from Cedar Rapids, too. The talent scouts in that town must have it going on!
Regardless, you may be some backwater tyke with freaky big eyes and a disproportionate head, but one day, you could be the bearer of THE ONE RING. Something to think about.
I’m stepping out early on the blog today. Take it easy, everyone.
Today’s strip was born from an inside joke that has run its course in our household. And so I bring it to you!
Both my wife Cami and I are of the thinking that TBS (AKA “The Superstation”) should just go ahead and change it’s name to “The Shawshank Network. Because no matter when we flip on the station, day or night, The Shawshank Redemption is always playing.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the movie. It’s probably up there in my Top 10. Well, Top 25 at least. But the message of the film loses a little bit of it’s magic when you’ve seen it eleventy-billion times.
Maybe that’s a long way around for a joke and maybe the payoff wasn’t that big, but dammit, I enjoy today’s strip. Hey, at least I got to try my hand at drawing the characters actually emoting without dialogue. That doesn’t happen very often around here, my friend.
I have something not movie-related that I have to get off of my chest.
Tonight I got a call from a telemarketer. Not uncommon, really. So I wasn’t upset. It some some gruff sounding dude who said he represented The Policemen’s Association (whatever that is) and that they were raising money for a shelter for kids with cancer who have been abused by priests or something. Could they count on me for my support?
We’ve gotten several calls from these jokers in the last few months and each time, we tell them “No. I won’t be handing over my hard-earned money. Would you please take our phone number off your calling list?”
Tonight was no different. I let the guy read his script then politely told him, “No, we won’t be donating. Also, we’ve received several calls from you in the past and have asked to have our number taken off your list. Could you please…”
– click! –
THAT SON OF A BITCH HUNG UP ON ME!
I don’t know why, but this really turned my crank and I flipped out. I tried to star-69 the guy, but his number was busy. I even went as far as to call the operator and asked him to give me the number of the last person who called our house so I could call this guy in the middle of the night and harass him.
And how do I know that he wasn’t calling from a cube farm somewhere? Trust me. I used to be a telemarketer. You can tell when it’s a local operation and they’re calling from their homes. It’s usually a side-income deal.
Well, anyway. I eventually decided to let it go because I realized that this is the kind of stress that causes the cancer – and I don’t need that in my life. But still. Damn…
Speaking of weird telemarketing calls, Cami received one yesterday while I was out of the house. It was some organization calling for such and such a reason and if we wanted them to take our number off their calling list, they would have to confirm our address and stuff. Naturally, Cami was suspicious of the whole thing, so this kid told her to hold for a manager. The manager gets on the line and asks for PIN number so Cami can check her messages.
What? It was the most schitzo phone experience she ever had. Of course, unlike me, Cami has the common sense to hang up. And she did.
I’m going to try and get out this weekend to see either About Schmidt, Adaptation or Chicago. I really want to see the first two, but am lukewarm on the second. We’ll see who wins the box office lottery.
One last note: No Pants Tuesday is up and running again and THANK GOD! I can’t tell you how happy I am to see Zach making strips again. I love the art and the humor and he’s a really fun guy to talk to. Plus, leaving us dangling with that Satan storyline.. well, that was just cold, man!
Anyhoo, his hiatus probably resulted in a drop off in readership. So I’m doing my part to make sure everyone knows now is the time to jump back on ship. Hey, everyone needs a little time to recharge their batteries every now and again.
I gotta tell ya, I had one hell of a time coming up with an idea for today’s strip, so there is no grand story behind it’s origin. Just lots of grabbing at straws. I doubt I could spin gold from the one I chose, but I’m not going to get a nasty rash from it, either. The less said the better. It’s just one of those days.
I had a pretty low-key weekend and, unfortunately, couldn’t muster the energy to get out and see any of the movies I wanted to see. That’s okay. Everyone needs a do-nothing weekend every now and again. It was nice not to have any obligations.
Cami, on the other hand, was able to make it out to the multiplex and took in Two Weeks Notice with a friend. Cami is usually my movie partner in crime, but I was more than happy to sit this one out. But I had second thoughts when both her and her friend came back to report that the film was both genuinely affecting, well written and acted. They seemed sincere and not at all blinded by any notions of romantic overkill most of these movies try to cram down your throat.
If anyone else has seen it, I’d be curious to hear your reactions. I’m wondering if I may have lost an opportunity to rack up some brownie points on a movie that wouldn’t have been that tough to sit through.
I finally decided to replace the poll regarding Top Web Comics. It had a better turn out this time around with about 180 submitted votes. The final percentage came out with 50.8% of people saying I SHOULD NOT join the TWC and the other 49.2% said I should.
Jeeze, not only is the American voting public split on whether or not to have one party to run the government, but it apparently boils down to matters as mundane as these!
I pretty much had my mind made up on the matter before I posted the poll and felt with a large share of certainty that I would no affiliate myself with the TWC. But I ran the poll simply to see if there was enough public opinion to convince me that, hey, maybe the TWC isn’t so bad after all. I guess my initial assumption was correct. Thanks to everyone who voted.
The new poll is a little on the softball side. It’s basically just an opinion poll to see what aspect of the site you like the most. The results probably won’t bring about much change, but if there is a surprising percentage of you who really hate the About page, who knows? It might get the heave-ho.
I just want to give a quick shout-out over to the people at the Webcomic Choice Awards for their new site, WCA: Webcomic News. Eventually, the two sites will merge and they are still in there beta phase, but I wanted to call attention to a great idea that The One has put together. If he plays his cards right, I can see this becoming a major hub for web comics that doesn’t revolve around vote-whoring or ugly competition. He has an awesome PHP-Nuke set up that makes things easy to navigate and infinitely customizable. Go check it out.
Today’s strip is special in that “stripped down” kind of way. Lately, I’ve been posing my characters with one standing and talking while the other sits on the couch. I just recently noticed I was doing this in the last three strips and thought we could use a change. I guess you could call it my “Lay-Z-Boy” period.
Anyway, whenever the art tends to suffer, I at least try to compensate by coming up with a good idea. Or at least a lot of words in an attempt to confuse you.
Today’s strip is directed at all the morons who complain about all the “May/December” match-ups movie producers assemble in their romantic comedies/dramas/dramadies.
The most recent complaint I can recall is when they stuck Richard Gere and Winona Ryder together for Autumn in New York. But Winona dies at the end, so I don’t know what they were complaining about.
Either way, these older man/younger woman parings are nothing new in Hollywood. As I illustrated in a most clever fashion today, it’s been going on since at least the 1940’s. Does that make it right? Probably not. In fact, I’m one-hundred percent sure that it’s pretty much a shameful anti-woman policy because what it ends up doing is sending the message that you are no longer romantically bankable past the age of 40. We need someone younger to fill your role. It’s pretty disgusting if you ask me.
But, if anything, the movie industry thrives on one thing – repetition. What worked once in the past must surely work again two, three or a thousand times if we limit the options of the movie-going public. Most producers wouldn’t know an original idea if it made lunch reservations with them at Spago.
:: switching gears ::
I was hoping to hold this strip off until this Friday because my good friend Nick was going to have a review of A Guy Thing that I could tie in with it. But as it turns out, this was the only idea I had at the time, so I ran with it.
Speaking of Nick, you may have noticed he is co-starring in todays strip. He’s appeared in a maybe two other strips and I thought it was a damn shame I was using the red-headed kid who worked at the theater instead of an actual real life friend. So anyway, I threw Nick into the mix to throw down some awesome science.
I figured it was appropriate Nick come barreling in with some heavy facts because the kid is sharper than a tack. If you want the proof, you should probably read the essay he wrote for us regarding independent theaters. It’s a howl.
Read on, true believer!
I had a pretty strong feeling that at some point today I would get an e-mail dogging me on the whole “May/December” theme of today’s strip. After all, in a modern world, 10 years really isn’t that big of a gap. So hats off to Pete for making that call.
Of course, my excuse was that A Guy Thing is like the only movie barely worth talking about this week. And, after frying my neural receptors on consecutive hours of Super Smash Bros. Melee, I couldn’t come up with a more topical gag.
Pete offered a better suggestion in the “May/December” category citing the near glacial age difference between Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment. For the record, there are about 40 years between the two. That’s two generations for those keeping score at home.
If you’ve got an even MORE drastic age difference for romances in film (and I’m talking the age of the actors, not the characters – so no funny time travel stuff) send it in, and you’ll also… be mentioned casually..
Usually when I’m trying to come up with ideas for the strip, I’m stuck between two worlds. I mentioned in Wednesday’s blog that on days where I don’t feel up to putting a lot of detail into the art, I at least try to compensate by presenting a topical issue or by being wordy.
Alternately, when I feel like the joke may be particularly weak, I’ll usually conjure up a little extra elbow grease to try and create something a little more visually arresting. I hope today’s strip does the trick. Forced perspective is a devious devil to charm…
As most of you know, January is a dumping ground for all the bad movies studios want to unload after blowing their wads with Oscar contenders in December. There is no grander example of shameful studio spending than the film which is the topic of today’s strip – Kangaroo Jack.
If you haven’t seen the incredibly annoying trailers, the premise is as follows. When he was a kid, Jerry O’Connell was saved from drowning by a clumsy but well-meaning fat kid. When they grow up, the fat kid comes calling to collect a favor. Somehow it involves the mafia and a big envelope of money that needs to be delivered to Australia. The money ends up lost when the fat kid throws his hooded sweatshirt around a kangaroo to pose for a picture and said kangaroo takes off – with the money inside the sweatshirt! Wacky hi-jinks ensue tracking down the beast and I’m sure at some point crocodile dung will be involved. Estella Warren tries to pretty up the place by standing quietly in the background.
I really don’t have any commentary beyond that. I think the insipid description does enough to harm the credibility of the movie all by itself. I’m just going to leave it at that.
I’m still catching flack for Wednesday’s “May/December” rant. Phil from Kenisia pointed out another generation gap in romantic casting when he pulled the Arthurian tale First Knight out of his bag of tricks. “Sean Connery and Richard Gere both trying it on with Julia Ormond in ‘First Knight’,” wrote Phil. “Connery’s old enough to be her grandad, and Gere her dad, so you’ve got a whole incestuous can of worms right there.”
He’s got me there.
While still not trumping Pete’s notice of Connery and Cathrine Zeta Jones in Entrapment (there is a 40 year difference there instead of the 35 year difference with Ormand), Phil scores points for drawing Gere into the mix. Ol’ Gerbil-Butt has a good 16 years over her. Still, not a shocking as Connery, but better than my Jason Lee/Julia Stiles comparison. Kudos to Phil.
All this talk about “May/December” romances has led me to one conclusion: Sean Connery is the man. He must still have that James Bond mojo working. Why else would a man aged 73 still be doing so well with the ladies? I’m secretly beginning to believe he really is a Highlander…