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Oct18

THE EARLY BIRD NOT-SO-SPECIAL

October 18th, 2010 | by Tom
  • Comics
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars
(13 votes, average: 7.62 out of 10)
THE EARLY BIRD NOT-SO-SPECIAL

Aww, what did Space Cowboys ever do to anybody? It’s just a sweet old film about launching geriatrics into orbit to teach them young whipper-snappers a thing or two!

If you’ve never seen Space Cowboys, don’t. It’ll ruin your impression of Clint Eastwood’s late career Oscar streak. Before directing movies like Mystic River and Million Dollar Baby, he directed and starred in junk like Space Cowboys and Blood Work. Avoid at all costs.

As Cami ascertained in today’s comic, RED is very much like Space Cowboys in that it stars a cast of borderline-elderly actors running around, doing things they probably shouldn’t. I don’t care if it’s entering a low orbit around the planet or blowing up a pallet of C4, you have grandkids to worry about!

At least RED isn’t taking itself too seriously.

Except it kind of is.

In the way that Space Cowboys limply tried to assert the value of The Greatest Generation, RED is basically an “eff-you” thrill ride for Baby Boomers, rapidly approaching obsolescence.

I’ve ranted about this in the past. Bruce Willis is a key offender in this area. Look at Live Free or Die Hard. He can still kind of get away with it, though. Ever since he figured out he could shave his head and look like a bad-ass, audiences have kind of forgotten he is 55.

Sylvester Stallone is worse. The Expendibles was fun, but his extension of both Rocky and Rambo were a little desperate.

These guys need to let it go. Make room for the next generation. Right now, there’s really no one to take their place because the old guard won’t get out of the way.

And Bruce! Bruce… You’re dragging Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren into it with you? For shame.

RED might be a rental for me somewhere down the line if for no other reason than to see John Malkovich in full-on crazypants mode. He doesn’t play up his intensity for laughs very often, so when he does, it’s devastating.

It looks like the movie may have legs, considering it stood its ground with a $22 million opening this weekend against Jackass 3D. Johnny Knoxville and the boys raked in $50 million at the box office setting a record for a fall movie (September – October) ever seen. In fact, I nearly doubled the take from the original Jackass and its sequel Jackass Number Two.

I’m kind of lamenting the fact that I didn’t make it out to the theater this weekend to catch it. But Cami had relatives in town this weekend from Texas and we spent a lot of time hanging out with them. I don’t know if there’s a point of seeing the movie on a school night. I doubt it would generate the uproarious response it seemed to attract this weekend.

What say you? Did anyone see Jackass 3D or RED this weekend? What was your take? Did you have fun screaming at the infantile antics of the Jackass crew? Was RED a viable choice for anyone who can’t remember where they were when Kennedy was shot?

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW!

└ Tags: AARP, Burce Willis, Clint Eastwood, Donald Sutherland, dry heave, Helen Mirren, Jackass 3D, James Garner, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, outer space, RED, Space Cowboys, Tommy Lee Jones
[ 30 Comments ]
Jan17

CLEAR THE TABLE

January 17th, 2011 | by Tom
  • Comics
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars
(13 votes, average: 8.31 out of 10)
CLEAR THE TABLE

I think everyone was left scratching their heads when The Hollywood Foreign Press nominated The Tourist, Burlesque and Red for Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical. But, for me, it was the final revelation that the Emperor TRULY wears no clothes.

I mean, the Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical category has always been a bit off a goof. Especially considering that the two genres have very little (if anything) to do with each other. And besides, how many musicals does Hollywood produce a year? One? Maybe two?

When you look at the nominees in this category, you begin to understand why comedic actors are rarely nominated for Oscars. Because, apparently, what counts as “comedy” in that town is REALLY friggin’ subjective.

I missed the first hour of the Golden Globes because I was busy being a parent (or some such nonsense) and was reading Henry stories before putting him to bed. I kind of wish I had caught the first hour because I heard Trent Reznor won Best Score for his work in The Social Network, went on stage to collect his award and that would have been very surreal to see.

But I started watching in the second hour and after about :30 minutes, thought to myself, “I’d really rather be playing video games right now.”

I managed to stick it out for the rest of the show. Chalk it up to exhaustion and not wanting to get up off the couch. But as I laid there, I asked myself “How do I get sucked into this every year? How does The Hollywood Foreign Press manage to convince me that this is important? That they’re not plying all of these celebrities with booze so the can take pictures with them later? Why does this matter?”

I still haven’t come up with a good answer for you on that one, but I’ll be sure to get back to you when I do.

More than the nominees or the winners, it seems like people are talking about Ricky Gervais as the event’s host. I guess his opening monologue was pretty incendiary and Robert Downey Jr. shot back at one point. I missed that stuff.

The stuff I did manage to see I thought was a little mean-spirited. Not that I’m against knocking celebrities off their high horses (obviously), but I’ve always kind of found Gervais to be insufferable. It’s that snarky, know-it-all tone and ridiculous grin, I think.

No doubt that Gervais is devastatingly smart, but Gervais’s put downs are never about getting the target to laugh at themselves. It’s straight up insults – “You’re a drunk! You can’t get work! You’re stupid!” – and it’s not entertaining to watch.

As I pointed out on the Theater Hopper Facebook page, I was left with the distinct impression that Gervais was doing everything in his power NOT to be asked back as host next year. Mission accomplished, bro.

If you’re curious, I’ve posted all of the Golden Globe winners in the new Theater Hopper blog – Bonus Materials. Be sure to check that out. I float a lot of odds and ends in there, so be sure to check back often. Or, feel free to subscribe to the Theater Hopper RSS feed. The blog posts show up there as well.

In the meantime, did you watch the Golden Globes last night? Were you as flummoxed as I was? What is your reaction to the nominees and the winners? Leave your comments below!

└ Tags: aliens, Burlesque, consipracy, Golden Globes, Hangar 18, New Mexico, nominations, Oscars, probe, RED, Roswell, Thanksgiving, The Tourist, video games
[ 10 Comments ]

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