Yesterday the trailer for Rock of Ages came out and I was sufficiently underwhelmed. I pretty much tuned out the minute the title card read “From the director of Hairspray.” That is, unless their talking about John Waters.

Spoiler Alert: They’re not.

I know the appeal of Rock of Ages is supposed to rest on the car crash appeal of watching Tom Cruise slum it a little bit. He rarely does comedy, so it should be fun to watch him flail around for a bit, right?

Let me tell you right now that I saw a touring production of Rock of Ages earlier this year and it is easily the most mindless two hours I’ve ever spent in a theater. Basically, it was a bunch of singers and dancers performing in a show FAR below their ability, singing karaoke versions of Whitesnake songs.

Don’t get me wrong. I love that music. But that’s not a show. There’s no story here. If I’m going to sit through a “musical,” I want at least ONE original song, ‘kay?

By the way, what the hell is going on with that “We’re Not Gonna Take It” / “We Built This City On Rock and Roll” mash-up at the end. More importantly, why the hell is “We Built This City” showing up in so many trailers this year? It was in the first trailer for The Muppets as well.

It’s even on the soundtrack.

Don’t most intelligent people consider “We Built This City” to be one of the worst recorded songs ever? Blender and VH1 did in 2004. A 2011 readers poll in Rolling Stone concluded the same thing. Evidently Bernie Taupin is blackmailing Warner Bros. and Disney executives with some rather incriminating information.

What’s your reaction to Rock of Ages? Fun-time musical or limp noodle nostalgia trip? Leave your comments below!