I know on Monday I said I was going to do a whole week of Cloverfield strips. But as I was wracking my brain trying to come up with something new, I hit a dead end and my mind began to wonder about the other movies coming out this week. A movie like the horror/comedy Teeth was too good to pass up.

Gordon and I actually got to talking about this movie on Monday night’s Triple Feature broadcast and I’m aware that Gordon has a very risque comic of his own related to the film. Be sure to check that out over at Multiplex tomorrow.

I first saw the trailer a few months ago, I think, over at Break.com and I thought it was a gag trailer. Something made by someone with a twisted sense of humor, too much money and too much time on their hands. When I found out it was real, I couldn’t believe it.

The plot of the movie I think is incidental. A girl finds out she has teeth in her lady parts and goes on a rampage against filthy, disgusting men. I like that they take puberty and the dramatic, scary changes one’s body goes through and adding another layer on top of it. That’s clever. Beyond that, I can see it working as a revenge fantasy. Maybe she’s been abused in the past by a creepy uncle, or something and the rest is justifiable assault? But some of the scenes in the trailer are darkly comic and I wonder if they’re going to have a hard time establishing a consistent tone.

Nothing sense this mixed message clearer than the two posters created to promote the movie. One dark and sinister, one light and goofy:


The “serious” poster on the left includes a blurb that says “The most alarming cautionary tale for men since Fatal Attraction.” Which doesn’t make any sense since, well, vagina teeth aren’t real. What would you do if they were? “I really like you, Susan – but do you mind if I check something first? You can never be too careful.”

They try to sell the ominous tone with the tag line “Every Rose Has Its Thorns.” Did they have to cut a check to the lead singer of Poison to get the rights to that one?

The poster on the left is much more tongue-in-cheek (and a disgusting metaphor just came to mind that I’m probably better off omitting here). Lead actress Jess Weixler is biting her bottom lip with an apologetic expression on her face. The tagline printed on her shirt reads “WARNING: Sex Changes Everything” Ho, ho! So wacky!

You know what the funniest thing about that poster is – the Ugg boots Weixler is wearing. 2005 called, honey. It wants its fashion back. They call them “Ugg” boots for a reason, y’know.

At any rate, Teeth is in limited release. If any of you are in the big cities and have a chance to see it, let me know. I’m curious what the reaction to this thing will be.

Or, y’know – I can wait 6 months and I’m sure it’ll be on Showtime every other night at 1:00 in the morning.

Have a great Wednesday! See you back here on Friday!

↓ Transcript
Hey, Jimmy. What’s this movie Teeth about? I haven’t heard of it

It’s about a girl with a... medical condition.

Can you be more specific?

Vagina dentata.

Is that Latin?


What does it mean?


“Down there.”

Belly button?

“Lady parts?”


Teeth boobies?

She has teeth in her vagina, you idiot!!!