Posts Tagged ‘Jason Statham’
9 items.
10,000 B.C. comes out this weekend and I don’t know a single person who is excited about this movie.
The idea for today’s comic really racked into focus for me after we talked about the film during Monday’s broadcast of The Triple Feature podcast (download a copy to your machine and listen along!) Gordon said he was interested because he’s a fan of ancient civilization (despite the fact that director Roland Emmerich’s vision sets 10,000 B.C. in an alternate, “potential” Earth – there’s nothing historical about it.)
To each his own, I suppose. But this movie looks like it’s trying to leverage a little bit of the heat coming off last year’s 300 by mixing in a dash of Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto. Have you watched the trailer? No one says word one. Not even the girl with the crazy eyebrows that was in the remake of When A Stranger Calls from a few years ago.
I don’t know that I’m particularly more jazzed about seeing The Bank Job or not. I basically just needed a point of contrast for the comic. Still, for heist pictures, it doesn’t look half-bad. I like the fact that it’s based on a true story and features a kind of rag-tag ensemble. I’m actually not certain Statham kicks anyone in this film. Maybe not. They grow up so fast!
Not a lot to talk about on my end today except to say that I quit my job a week ago and am half way through my two weeks notice. Don’t worry – I have another job lined up. A great opportunity with the company Cami works for, believe it or not.
I’m going through a lot of mixed emotions at the moment. I’ll be sad to leave my current position – I’ve been there for almost 6 years. But this new job is an opportunity too good to pass up. As a result, my mind is a little fractured as I’m trying to wrap things up and oversee the transfer of my duties. Never a dull moment.
Oh, hey. I wanted to send a quick shout out to everyone who responded to my request for shading tips and tricks on Monday. I got a lot of great feedback and tested out a new technique in today’s comic. Can you tell? Is it an improvement or a detriment?
One thing I learned is that I am FAR overdue for a WACOM tablet. It seems every web comic guy and their Mom is operating with one of these things. I’ve been doing all my coloring and shading with a mouse like a chump!
Of course, WACOM tablets are expensive, so be on the lookout for a few fund-raising efforts on my part. I’m thinking of auctioning off some original art. I already have one of Tom doing a cannonball into a giant bucket of popcorn. I’m putting the finishing touches on it now. Actually, it’s been nice to do a little artwork that isn’t the comic. If for no other reason to loosen up the drawing arm a little bit.
That’s all for now. Here’s hoping you have a great rest of the week! I’ll see you here on Friday!
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JCVD comes out this weekend and, if you’re like me, you haven’t been paying attention at all.
I had a few friends buzzing about the movie, but I guess I wasn’t paying attention because the concept sounds great. 90’s action star Jean-Claude Van Damme stars in a mockumentary as a real-life version of himself where he stumbles into the middle of a bank robbery. High kicking and movie staged heroics are no match for real bullets, so what does an actor do when confronted with a gun to his temple?
That synopsis is a little clumsy. Maybe as clumsy as the movie title itself. Watch the trailer. It does a better job explaining things than I do.
Now that I have an idea what the movie is about, I’m kind of interested to see it play out.
I should say that I’m not a big Jean-Claude Van Damme fan. I liked Lionheart and probably saw it a half-dozen time in syndication on Saturday afternoons. Growing up, it seemed like either Lionheart or Big Trouble in Little China was always playing sometime, somewhere on the dial. But by the time Timecop hit theaters in 1994, I had all but rejected Van Damme and his mullet. I was always impressed by his athleticism, but his acting was always hammy and atrocious. I know that’s supposed to be part of the appeal for a big, bloated action movie. Certainly Van Damme is no less ridiculous than Stallone, Segal or even Schwarzenegger. But when the market was flooded with those kind of movies, he was the first actor to be cut from my list.
So now, over a decade later, here comes JCVD featuring Van Damme in hyper-awareness mode peeling away his soul for entertainment. Critics actually like the performance. They’re calling it a comeback! Anything is possible, I suppose. But I don’t know if Van Damme is doing himself any favors by taking that good will and announcing he’ll star in Universal Soldier III. Follow the money, I suppose.
Something equally preposterous is the news I shared in today’s comic. It’s absolutely true that Van Damme has canceled promotional appearances to take care of a dog he is adopting from Thailand that has fallen into a coma. I read that story and thought it sounded like a lie that someone is making up AS they’re telling it. Like “I’m sorry, but I can’t come to your birthday party because I have to help my cousin fix his canoe so he can by antibiotics for a staph infection. Yeah, he lives in Nova Scotia. Sorry!”
I mean, I don’t want to sound insensitive. It’s good that Van Damme is taking responsibility for a sick animal. But, first of all, why Thailand? They didn’t have any dogs up for adoption in Brussles? Second, when you have critics at your back for the first time in a LONG time (in some cases, the first time EVER), why wouldn’t you want to take advantage of that, put your face out there and remind people that you’re still alive. You know the old saying in Hollywood: “Here today, gone today!”
Maybe Van Damme has good reason to stay out of the public eye. Have you seen a picture of him lately? Looks like he’s been doing some hard livin’. The man is 48 years-old and he looks 78. See for yourself.
Yikes. The last time I saw lines that deep I was visiting the Grand Canyon!
http://www.instantrimshot.com/
Oh, who am I kidding. He could still kick my ass.
Look, Van Damme has been a joke in the industry for a long time, but obviously the guy has some smarts about the business or he wouldn’t have hung around as long as he has. Heck, he probably wouldn’t have broken into the business to begin with if he wasn’t at least somewhat ambitious and smart about his decisions.
But at some point he lost his way. Started making crap like Leigonnaire and Replicant and then got shipped back to Europe to make more bottom of the barrel flicks. All I’m saying is I would be happy is Van Damme could at least salvage some respect out of a smart, self-aware turn like JCVD. But instead, he seems to be displaying more poor decision making and it’s a shame.
That’s it for me this week. I hope to see Role Models this weekend, which has been getting some surprisingly good reviews! Probably stronger than it deserves, but I can finally unclench and stop worrying about Paul Rudd starring in some career-killing bomb. Hey… there’s no telling what could happen to your career when you’re doing time with Sean Williams Scott. Just ask Johnny Knoxville.
Thanks for swinging by today and I hope you have a great weekend. See you here on Monday!
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This is not how I wanted to start the week.
Sincere apologies to those of you who have been checking the site since Friday. I didn’t post a comic last week due to the fact that I was recovering somewhat from the Thanksgiving holiday but also because Henry was sick and decided to toss his cookies all over me and we were left to manage a sick child over the weekend.
Then, on Sunday night, I sit down at my computer to work on Monday’s comic and, well… my scanner crapped out on me.
I guess I’m not totally surprised. I own a HP ScanJet 2200c that worked SWIMMINGLY with Windows XP but was choked to death by Vista’s persnickety peripheral acceptance parameters. I was able to patch it with some advice I found online. But in examining this recent failure, learned that it wasn’t a fail-safe method. The scanner would still be prone to crashes and I think that’s what happened here.
So, tonight after work I will be going to Best Buy or Office Max or someplace that sells cheap scanners so I can get caught up. My friend Brandon J. Carr suggested a WACOM Cintiq as a scanner replacement. That’s a tempting offer, but last I checked, I hadn’t won the lottery. So it’s low-tech for now. Relatively low-tech, I suppose. In the meantime, you’ll have to be patient with me. I promise to have a new comic for you on Tuesday!
I suppose since I don’t have a comic to blog about, I can tell you about the two movies I saw this weekend.
I went to see Transporter 3 Wednesday night and went with Cami to see Australia on Saturday night. I hadn’t seen the first two Transporter movies, but there was something about the trailers for the third one that made me want to check it out. I knew it was going to be cheesy. I didn’t know it was going to be so boring!
I fell asleep in this movie. That… shouldn’t be happening in an action movie, should it?
I’ll give credit to the stunt coordinators and to Jason Statham. I felt like they put together a few interesting sequences. But the plot was impossible to follow and they gave WAY too many lines to the girl played by Natalya Rudakova, who was impossible to understand.
That girl has so many freckles, she looks like she was shot in the face with a freckle gun.
By the way, you’re going to hear me drop that zinger a lot. You’ll probably hear it again if you listen to The Triple Feature tonight. Why? Because I thought it was clever when I thought of it and I’m clinging to it like a dog to a bone.
Anyway… the plot? Who cares? The action? So-so. It ends okay, but not before you can recover from the TRULY IDIOTIC sequence involving The Transporter crashing his car into a lake and resurfacing it with a bag from inside his trunk that he inflates with THE AIR FROM HIS TIRES! By that logic, shouldn’t the car be able to drive across the surface of the water and not sink? Ugh.
Yeah. Don’t waste your money on this one. Not even if you’re in it for a cheap laugh.
As for Australia, both Cami and I had high hopes for this coming in, but we left disappointed. I guess we had hoped that Baz Luhrman had gotten things out of his system with Moulin Rouge. But the fact is, there are enough farcical elements and screwball antics in the first act, you don’t trust the picture when it tries to deliver an emotional blow.
I appreciate the scope of the film. It truly is epic and serves as a great calling card for the Australia Board of Tourism. But there’s no shape to the thing. It can’t make up it’s mind if the main story is about Nicole Kidman’s character fighting evil cattle barons, her romance with Hugh Jackman’s Drover or her growing affection for a half-breed Aboriginal boy played by Brandon Walter. Toss in the Japanese bombing of Darwin at the onset of World War II and you’ve got more than you can deal with.
Luhrman’s tale is bookended with information about Australia’s practice of taking half-white/half-Aboriginal children away from their families to be led into a life of servitude. The called them The Lost Generations. So, in some respect, you expect the film to be about their struggle. But their story is a fractional element of the tale, you wonder why he bothered?
I was also turned off by the main villain of the piece, Fletcher, played by David Wenham. Why is it that all of Luhrman’s villains are the sniveling, mustache-twirling sort? I don’t hate them because they’re evil. I hate them because they are annoying and cliched.
I was also particularly annoyed by everyone’s insistence on calling Hugh Jackman’s character “The Drover.” A drover is the Australian equivalent of a cowboy. Someone who herds animals across long distances. Jackman’s character is meant to be so adept at the practice, he’s simply known as “THE” Drover. That’s kind of bad-ass, until Nicole Kidman’s character calls him Mr. Drover and everyone else in the film shouts his name over and over again – DROVER! DROVER!
That would be like shooting an American Western and naming your lead “Cowboy.” It’s generic and silly.
Let’s not even go into Luhrman’s repeated parallels in the story to The Wizard of Oz. He keeps ramming it down our throats when then connection is tenuous at best.
Ultimately Australia did a good job of displaying the magic and enormity of the Northern Territory, but I cared very little for the stories of the people in the midst of it. It felt bloated and sloppy. I thought the movie could have ended at any number of points and I would have been satisfied. But at 2 hours and 45 minutes, it drags on and on and on. A true epic shouldn’t feel like a chore. It should feel like it’s presenting you a world you never want to leave. A place you want to know more about. Luhrman’s vision gets you only half way there.
That does it for my blogging. Hopefully that’s enough to tide you over in the absence of an actual comic. Again, apologies for the technical snafu. Let’s just blame Microsoft and call it a day, huh?
Be sure to tune into The Triple Feature tonight at 9:00 PM CST over at TalkShoe.com and expect a new comic here tomorrow.
Thanks again!
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So here it is! The comic that was meant to go up on Friday, but was delayed by the Thanksgiving holiday and a vomiting 2 year-old. Then meant to go up on Monday and delayed because of a wonky scanner and Bill Gates making Vista impossible to use. Was it worth the wait? Was it everything you ever hoped for?
I don’t remember where the idea for mixing Pepsi with champagne came from, but I recall that it cropped up in an actual conversation between Cami and I last week. Probably before I went to see Transporter 3 on Wednesday night. That’s slummin’ it, cinematic ally speaking. Meanwhile, while we were still optimistic about Australia, it sat on the other end of the spectrum looking like a million bucks.
Oh, how wrong we were.
I gave my rundown on these two films in Monday’s blog, so go back one page in the archive if you want the details on that. Or, you could download last night’s recording of The Triple Feature. We had a great time talking about Australia, Transporter 3 and Four Christmases as well. I think we were really on fire last night. Lots of funny exchanges.
As evident by the presence of the comic, I bought a new scanner last night. I was disappointed that I couldn’t purchase a simple flatbed scanner. They don’t appear to be stocked in big box retail stores anymore. I had to buy an all-in-one printer. I went to Best Buy and Office Max before I gave up and bought a new HP printer, scanner, photo printer.
I was kind of upset about it at first, but it’s actually pretty nice. It took me a while to figure out the scanner settings and it’s still a little too sensitive for my liking, but I’m sure it’ll balance out before long.
Some people were confused with the graphic I posted on the site yesterday of the scanner with the smoke coming out of it. My old scanner didn’t catch fire, or anything. It was basically a problem with Vista recognizing the peripheral. HP no longer provided support to the device and there was not an updated driver for it. When I upgraded to Vista and ran into this problem, I combed the web for work-arounds and found one that tricked Vista into thinking there was a driver for the device. But those instructions warned that the scanner could still crash out in the future depending on how Vista was feeling on any given day. I think that’s what happened here.
Truthfully, the all-in-one is a good solution because my printer was HP as well and I had to perform the same work-around for it to work as well. It was only a matter of time before it crapped out on me, too.
Why HP refuses to support their devices with updated drivers, I’ll never know. Why I continue to give them my money for the inconvenience is equally mysterious. I guess I just like their products. They’ve never broken down on me and I like their interface. Their stuff is easy to use when Microsoft isn’t gumming up the works with a new operating system.
Bonus feature of the new scanner? It’s wireless! That’s pretty slick.
Anyway, that’s it for today. Thanks to everyone for their patience. I’ll see you here tomorrow with a new comic about Punisher: War Zone. Be here!
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Writing this comic, I tried to figure out a way to incorporate Andy Rooney in some way. In my mind, he’s one of America’s all-time greatest cranks. He rambles on about unimportant matters with a know-it-all tone reflective of the take-no-responsibility mantra of the American populace. I certainly wish him no ill will, but if he were to disappear entirely from the end of 60 Minutes each week, I wouldn’t miss him.
Since I was unable to write Rooney into the strip directly, please enjoy this video – one in a series of edited shorts that takes the first and last line of one of Andy’s rants and cuts out the middle. The effect is often quite hilarious.
You can find more of Andy’s truncated rants here.
Steering the conversation back to things more cinematic in nature… Crank: High Voltage comes out this weekend and a lot of people I know are excited to see it. I kind of have to chuckle because, judging by the trailers, the film is complete trash and the filmmakers know this. I think people are excited for it simply because they’re responding to a certain level of honesty in the marketing.
If you’ve seen the first Crank, you know entirely what to expect. Jason Statham runs around for 90 minutes kicking, punching and shooting things. Last time he was given a deadly intravenous “Beijing Cocktail”. A synthetic drug which stops the flow of adrenaline in the body, slowing the heart, and eventually killing the victim. The idea was to have Statham keep his adrenaline level up by causing mayhem the entire length of the movie in an effort to stay alive.
This time out, Statham’s character has been scooped up by black market surgeons attempting to harvest his organs. They perform surgery and steal his heart, replacing it with a temporary electronic one. He wakes up and chases the surgeons in an attempt to reclaim his stolen heart. Meanwhile, he has to continuously electrocute himself throughout to keep the artificial heart charged and working.
Why the surgeons bothered to install an electronic heart in the first place, I don’t know. But I’m sure the movie has a very good reason.
Look, it’s not like logic is the forte of this genre of film, so check your brain at the door and have a good time already.
We were talking about Statham as an action hero a little bit on The Triple Feature last Monday and I think all of us respect the guy for what he’s willing to put up with. Obviously, he’s game for anything. But at the same time, it would be nice if he could pick a movie that wasn’t constantly winking at the audience with its antics. Statham is a certifiable bad-ass. But he’s also a bit of a clown. Or at least a bad-ass stuck in clownish pictures.
Looking back at the luminaries of the action genre, Statham could run circles around Jean-Claude Van Damnm or Steven Segal with his physicality. But Van Damm and Segal carefully cultivated an enduring, impenetrable image. At least until the started making deck like Double Team and The Glimmer Man. Perhaps Statham can solidify his cred a little bit when The Expendables comes out next year. We’ll see.
I’ll probably see Crank: High Voltage this weekend simply because I know it’s something Cami will have no interest in seeing. So I won’t feel guilty for going to the movies when we can’t get a babysitter for Henry. But what about the rest of you? Are you planning to see the movie this weekend? If so, what’s the appeal for you? Were you a fan of the original? Does this one look better or worse? Leave your comments below.
Also, be sure to check back on the site later in the day. I will be announcing a week-long pre-order on the Spoiler Alert t-shirt I previewed earlier in the week. Thanks.
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Curious as to how a movie with a robot-headed Jason Statham might play out? Vote for Theater Hopper at Top Web Comics to find out!
I had a hard time writing the punch line for today’s comic. It really could have gone one of two ways. Either I could have gone for something totally benign and played the unexpected reversal card or I could have pushed the concept of the Crank films into ludicrous territory.
In the end, the latter option had robots, so that’s what I went with.
As you know Crank: High Voltage hits theaters today and I’m pretty pumped to see it. I think I’m going to the late show tonight.
Aziz Ansari from Human Giant and, most recently, NBC’s Parks and Recreation, saw the film last night and live blogged DURING the movie using Twitter. He’s posted his collection of tweets here, away from his Twitter account. Sample tweet? “Chev needs to call Dwight Yoakam and figure out what’s happening!” Seems like he had a pretty good time!
For the record, I will not be posting updates to my Twitter account when I see the movie later tonight. I guess Aziz ran into a bit of controversy over it, but at the same time… this is Crank 2, people. Lighten up!
I would like to take this opportunity to switch gears and let everyone know that there is a pre-order for a new shirt design going on now through next Wednesday.
Your orders make the difference in terms of how many shirts I decide to order and what kind of inventory I keep around in the future. So if you like what you see, don’t wait. Pre-order Spoiler Alert! today!
I’d also like to point out that I am also still taking pre-orders for Theater Hopper – Year Three. I know there are some of you who have placed an order already and are wondering what’s going on. The honest truth is that the pre-order for the book have stalled and I’m about $1,500 short of what I need to get it printed.
Now, it’s possible that I haven’t been pushing the book as hard as I have for the first two books, but that’s because I don’t want people to get tired of hearing about it. A few people expressed alienation when I produced the last book, so I’m trying to stay conscious of that.
But, at the same time, I want the book to be printed in time for Wizard World Chicago in August and I need to make up the difference somehow. If I’m not talking about the book, then maybe I can entice you with the shirt. A little diversification goes a long way…
Last thing I’ll mention, but I have an option to bundle books together with shirts at a discounted price. You can buy one book and one shirt for $25.00 – that’s $5.00 less than if you bought them separately. Something to think about it if you’re looking to save a little money.
If you’re not in a position to purchase anything from the store, tips are always appreciated. Even a dollar or two helps. I’ve been reluctant to announce an official donation drive for the book since I still owe people original art from when my hard drive crashed last fall. Plus, I really only want to reserve that kind of thing for emergency situations. But if you’re feeling generous, I wanted to let you know donations are an option.
I’ll leave it at that for now. That’s to everyone for their support.
So what does your weekend look like. Are you seeing Crank: High Voltage? Is anyone here seeing 17 Again, or should we all go to Blockbuster and rent Vice Versa instead? Fred Savage FTW!
What about the mature adults in the audience? Are you going to see State of Play? I’ve heard it’s an odd little love letter to traditional reporting at newspapers since it has an odd, contentious relationship between Russell Crowe’s character as the hardened journalist and Rachel McAdams character as a newspaper blogger that stumbles onto the coverup. Kind of a neat way to set up some internal conflict.
What do you think?
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I’m kind of interested in checking out The Mechanic. Not for Jason Statham. But I’m curious to see if the film takes advantage of Ben Foster’s innate “mad dog” quality. If you’ve seen 3:10 to Yuma, you know what I’m talking about. He overdid it in that flick, but a macho actioneer like The Mechanic would be the perfect outlet for that persona, don’t you think? The trailer seems to indicate he’s delivering an understated performance, which I think could be a mistake.
Thoughts?
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Today’s comic was one of the rare gems where I had the punchline in mind first and had to work my way backward for the setup. I knew that things would end with Jason Statham shooting up a car and offering his professional opinion. I just didn’t know how to get there.
Funnily enough, it wasn’t until late in the game last night that I came up with that horrible pun to put a button on it. But there you have it.
The Mechanic is another straight-up Statham actioneer that I had a modicum of interest in seeing which then waned when I saw a shiny object on the sidewalk.
This is not meant as a critique or as an indicator of my refined taste. After all, I proudly saw Crank: High Voltage in the theater. It’s just that… I don’t know… aren’t all these movies starting to feel the same to you? Interchangeable, even?
I’ll give Statham credit for mixing it up in movies like The Expendables or Snatch. He’s show that he’s not 100% ego and can place nice with an ensemble when he wants to. That’s the difference between Statham and action-film relics like Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Segal – Statham doesn’t make it all about him. That should help keep him out of the Direct-To-DVD category for a while.
What leaves me scratching my head is why Ben Foster turned up in this thing. Foster has the kind of chip on his shoulder that could make him a junior Ryan Gossling, but he shows up in odd places. The Messenger was a strike at legitimacy and I think he could find more roles like that if he wanted.
I’m not articulating this well, but I feel like Foster is one to watch. Ever since I saw him in 3:10 to Yuma, I thought there was something tangible there. Forceful, but undisciplined. I think it’ll be a treat watching him evolve as an actor.
Not much more for me to share this morning except that I’m making a few cosmetic changes to Theater Hopper’s RSS feed. So if you follow us there and have opinions about the new logo or menu items, let me know, would you? I don’t follow my own site on RSS very closely, but that’s a door I want to leave open for people who do.
Actually, not only do I want to leave the door open, but I want to make sure the room is well-decorated. If you have any ideas on how to improve the RSS layout, please let me know.
Speaking of the RSS feed, I’ve thrown in a 728 x 90 Project Wonderful ad to the feed. So if you want a little extra coverage for your web site, check it out.
I’m also testing the waters again with a 125 x 125 Project Wonderful ad next to the comic. So if you want to throw your hat in the ring, rates are cheap. Bid away!
I might throw a 160 x 600 ad in that space in the future. I haven’t decided yet. I don’t want the site to be overrun with ads, but Project Wonderful is a unique opportunity for others to advertise on the site an an affordable rate. So I kind of want to make it worth their while. The success of the 125 x 125 ad will determine how that moves forward.
One last thing I’ll mention, if you’re not already a fan of the Theater Hopper Facebook page, please consider following. We’ve been hovering around 900 followers for the last month or so and I would be a real treat to see if we could push that over 1,000. I think that would be a significant milestone.
At any rate, that’s all I’ve got. Did anyone happen to see The Mechanic over the weekend? What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below!
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TMZ posted footage of actor Shia LaBeouf getting knocked to the ground by some hairy, shirtless dude outside of a bar in Vancouver. Although, truthfully, most of the video is of LaBeouf getting talked down by his bros before he decides to engage in any more fisticuffs.
Shia’s looks pretty drunk in the video. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone who has had a few too many try to clumsily extract themselves from the grasp of a friend who is trying to keep them from getting their head caved in. If that’s the case, it makes it a little difficult to cheer for the comeuppance I feel he’s due for. Make it a fair fight, at least.
That said, the wave of schadenfreude that took over Twitter when the news broke pretty much reflects what I believe is the general consensus – “People don’t like Shia LaBeouf.”
This coupled with the news that LaBeouf won’t be back for the next two Transformers sequels they’re filming back-to-back (Jason Statham is rumored to be the replacement), it’s been a pretty interesting week in Shia-related news.
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