In the mid-90s, you couldn’t throw a stone without hitting a disaster movie of some kind. Subsequently, the movie would explode in a giant, slow-motion fireball.

You have Rolland Emmerich to thank for that. The success of Independence Day in 1996 led to other big budget disaster movies like Twister, Dante’s Peak, and Armageddon. 15 years later (and Wolfgang Petersen’s remake of Poseidon aside) Rolland Emmerich seems to be the only guy left making disaster movies.

And now he’s back with 2012 where literally the ENTIRE PLANET is the cause of the wanton destruction of cities, landmarks and monuments.

I’ll admit being somewhat impressed by the visual of a tidal wave crashing over the top the Himalayas. But cool visuals do not a movie make. And, frankly, I’m a little worn out on disaster movies. In what way does is this destruction supposed to be entertaining? The world is pretty much in the crapper as it is. Will watching California break off from the continent and sink slowly into the sea make me feel any better about things?

Okay, maybe that will make me feel a little better. But you get what I’m saying.

What bothers me most is watching John Cusack waste his considerable talents pinching his butt cheeks together and reacting to nothing. I understand WHY Cusack is in a movie like this (Hollywood Elsewhere’s Jeffery Wells calls Cusack “the mother of all genius paycheck whores”), but it sucks to watch your heroes debase themselves.

Exhibit A: There was an extended scene from 2012 shown at Comic Con earlier in the year. Someone had the brilliant idea to take the scene and remove all of the special effects from it. The result is a bumper car ride with Cusack and his co-stars that reveal exactly how flashy CGI obscures ham-fisted acting. Enjoy.

Watching things like that, I have to remind myself that for every 2012 or Con Air he shows up in, it affords him the opportunity to do things like High Fidelity and War, Inc. (which, by the way, I just caught on IFC and thought was hilarious)

Cusack will appear in Hot Tub Time Machine next year, so I suppose we have THAT to look forward to…

With that jokey title in mind, I kind of wish Emmerich would go whole-hog with the absurdity of his films. Here’s a recut trailer made to make 2012 look like a 70s-era disaster film. I think I would much rather see this version:

All I can hope for is that people don’t take 2012 seriously – the movie OR the Mayan “prophecy” that’s been tainted by Western apocalypse fears. One, because I think it’s absurd. But two… because the day the world is supposed to end – December 21, 2012 – will be my 34 birthday. And it would be a real bummer to die in the apocalypse on your birthday.

So tell me, who here is interested in seeing 2012 this weekend? What’s the attraction for you? Mindless popcorn fun? How do you feel about disaster films in general? Leave your comments below!